his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
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I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
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Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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