Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
