is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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