There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
