We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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