she was so not down for the gang bang
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
