I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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