uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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