He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
