I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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