All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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