i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
