i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
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He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
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LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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