You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
