Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
