Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
