Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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