while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
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If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Come share oat with me in your robe
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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