so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
