Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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