You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Blood and glitter go together right?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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