So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
