Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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