DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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