All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
