Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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