im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
