getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
