i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
last night I used snow as a chaser
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
