so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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