Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
