Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
