Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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