We named our party play list daddy issues
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
