I bet he comes in French.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
