It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
