I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
