my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
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I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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