Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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