Swine flu. Run for my life!
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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