Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
