I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
