shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
