spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
