I heard we made out
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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