I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
