I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
