I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
