he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
