you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
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