thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
