I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
