I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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