Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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