I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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