I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Let's get the cat blown out
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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