hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
