I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
