my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
