John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
