the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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