if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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