the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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