i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
