Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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