I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
