from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
