Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
